this rough beast that is our love
lurches through us still
the rasping fur scrapes us
clean
scouring the tissue of our care
the muscles of our hearts
the blood of our desires
reconfiguring the soul's landscape

but this beast is never satisfied
never stops to rest
never pauses to let heal
never sleeps so we may just exhale
never breaks from our chains of of never touching
never kissing
never feeling the rasp of our skin against each other
never the tastes of our bodies melding into one sweet smell
never the cries
never the warm curving together
never the wetness of acceptance and desire
never

This rough trampling beast that is now our love
wears us like skin
and we are too defeated
to kill it
or
set it free

Her hair

Blowing side to side as she whizzes around the corner

Reminds me of you.

Your leather skin

You smile fading, day by day

Your long, lean fingers

The need to please you...

I had such a need...

For you to think you made the right choice

For you to think that I was right

A right fit

The right fit

That I was worthy of your magic.

How I wanted your love

Your approval

Your pride

A pride

That the motherly touch with you kept

So finely pressed between your finger tips

A small secret

That I so desperately wanted you to whisper in my ear

A secret I wanted to know

A secret I wanted to swallow and

Let grow in my stomach.

The knowing that you were never mine

No matter how hard I tried to hold you

And the knowing

That no matter what

I was never yours

And that you preferred to keep it that way.

I would look for reasons to visit you

As if you would reveal something

I didn’t know about myself.

As if you would transport my very being

Right there and then

In your office

As if I would change myself only for you to change me back.

Was I simply a number?

Another box of potential that you has wrapped?

Did you think about me?

Outside the walls in which we knew each other.

Did I do something to please you?

To delight you?

Would you remember my face

And that needy tone

And the desperation to be seen and heard

By you.

I wanted you.

I need you.

I needed you to need me.

To wrap me in your cloak

To tell me I would be alright

I needed you to think I was special

That I was the one

The one and only one

For you.

And now...

The thought of you ads a shade of gold

On this dark and dreary day.

As I think of my youth

Now buried in a sacred place

I hope

And dream

That you will lead me by the hand

And show me to its burial ground

So I can dig through

Memories and dreams

To find that person

I used to know.

I hope that when we meet

I appear as woman would

And not the child I once was

When first our eyes had met.

Madness

(She said).

It must be a deep form of madness.

To delicious to taste

To exhausting to resist

To chaotic to control.

The yearning

And fire

Deep

Down

Within me

(She said)

Grows and burns

Ignites and tortures me.

The thought of you

Our foreheads firmly planted to one another

Head to head and toe to toe

With that gaze

That animal look

You give

As if hunting me

As if you are ready to trap me

Tie me up

And leave me for dead.

Your eyes

(She said)

Too dark

Too terrifying

To see

And yet

They are all I imagine when I close mine.

I can feel your skin on my finger tips

I can taste your breath on my rosy lips

I can feel the size of you between my legs

All I have

Is this madness.

It is too much.

A longing

Too long to bear.

My back bends

My toes curl

My breasts ache

My stomach turns

At the very thought of you.

It must be this madness

(She said)

Like a ghost you haunt me

Like a demon you posses me

Like a creature of the night

You gloom behind alley ways and staircases

Waiting to press my skin

Firmly

Tightly

And yet

With the ease and care.

I can hear my heart

Pounding in my chest

This burst

Flutter

And fleeing of my heart

A strange

And unusual reaction

The chemicals

In my body

In my veins

Runs and prance

Within the heated shell that makes up my naked frame.

I have no devices left to resist you

(She said)

I have no means to calm my breath

No means to ease the tale.

The desire

This unquenchable thirst

Drives me to a point of no return.

And...

All I see is you.

Your tall shadow in the distance

All I hear is the boom and echo of your voice

Whispering my name as you stand behind me.

Even in my restless sleep

You are nothing more than a dream

A dark, delicious dream that you...

I stop.

(She said)

To contain myself

To fold my rapture up neatly

Tidily

Into a small little package

And tuck it underneath my bed.

It is too much.

This madness

That posses me

That holds me tightly

Never letting go

It is you

And only you.

An unwavering lust

I simply cannot control.

and with the smallest of nibs
I would write in detail
the full extent of how i love you

millions of the tiniest
of words

till
your body
would transform
from
white
to a multi coloured
rainbow of words

and then pressing my hands
over each letter
each word
to take you in

as if by pressing
you would always
know this truth
this living body book
of love

Poetic enough for you?

If you could cover me in ink

Your nib

Gently tracing the crevasses

Outlining the landscape

The peaks and valleys

Hillsides

And tiny roads

That make up

The map of my body

Knowing the geography in such a way

That only a local would

Not a tourist or a traveler

But someone who has spent time

Considerable time

With their hands, blood and bones

Turning

And

Pressing

The land...

If you could cover me in ink

In such a way as this

...would you.

The dark wielding wave

A black tarnish

Thick and hot

Turns and grinds away

At my heart

I have no strength to bend

No strength to stop

And yield its course

The material

The metal

The mirror in my gut

Is sore

And tired from the journey

Which has only just begun

Contortions

Of pain

(Not pleasure)

Cuddle and curl

Wrapping themselves tightly

In my blood

Dreams

And

Joy

My breath is heavy

My lungs,

Undeserving of air,

Struggle

Leaving every inch of room for wind and breeze

And yet no gust

Is enough

To calm my beating pulse

My knees give way

A slow slide to the ground

Without the muscle

To stand

and yet I turn
and turn again
seeking the door
the path
to change a life of
conclusions
and always
finding myself
here
in the perpetual here