Her hair

Blowing side to side as she whizzes around the corner

Reminds me of you.

Your leather skin

You smile fading, day by day

Your long, lean fingers

The need to please you...

I had such a need...

For you to think you made the right choice

For you to think that I was right

A right fit

The right fit

That I was worthy of your magic.

How I wanted your love

Your approval

Your pride

A pride

That the motherly touch with you kept

So finely pressed between your finger tips

A small secret

That I so desperately wanted you to whisper in my ear

A secret I wanted to know

A secret I wanted to swallow and

Let grow in my stomach.

The knowing that you were never mine

No matter how hard I tried to hold you

And the knowing

That no matter what

I was never yours

And that you preferred to keep it that way.

I would look for reasons to visit you

As if you would reveal something

I didn’t know about myself.

As if you would transport my very being

Right there and then

In your office

As if I would change myself only for you to change me back.

Was I simply a number?

Another box of potential that you has wrapped?

Did you think about me?

Outside the walls in which we knew each other.

Did I do something to please you?

To delight you?

Would you remember my face

And that needy tone

And the desperation to be seen and heard

By you.

I wanted you.

I need you.

I needed you to need me.

To wrap me in your cloak

To tell me I would be alright

I needed you to think I was special

That I was the one

The one and only one

For you.

And now...

The thought of you ads a shade of gold

On this dark and dreary day.

As I think of my youth

Now buried in a sacred place

I hope

And dream

That you will lead me by the hand

And show me to its burial ground

So I can dig through

Memories and dreams

To find that person

I used to know.

I hope that when we meet

I appear as woman would

And not the child I once was

When first our eyes had met.